We’ve heard it before, a million times… “This won’t last forever”, “This too shall pass”, “Enjoy it while it lasts”…
UGH! I’m over it!
I know it’s said with great intentions, and I know that there are so many mothers that are dying to have a baby. I know the pain of losing a baby and wondering if I would have another, and I would’ve kicked someone in the face if they complained about their newborn when I was in the midst of the grief of my miscarriage and trying to get pregnant again.
But I’m here now to say this:
RIGHT NOW, I AM TIRED.
And I KNOW this won’t last forever, and it too shall pass, and yes I enjoy the good moments, and even some of the bad ones, but I also know that this, RIGHT NOW, is HARD, and, to be honest, I really just want this to pass just a little bit quicker than it is.
Motherhood, especially in the early months, is absolutely, gut wrenchingly exhausting for some moms. For other moms, it’s an absolute breeze, and I totally hate you…kidding, but seriously.
My sweet sweet little baby is crying unless he is sleeping, eating, being bounced, rocked, talked to, sang to, held facing out, or laid on his back the floor with someone in his face, and sometimes none of those things even work. He cannot be left alone for more than 5-10 minutes at a time. Very few things in this life actually make him happy. My brain feels like it’s going to explode, and my arms feel like they are going to fall off most days. He is not colicky. He might possibly be teething, who knows. But this isn’t a cry for help to figure out what is wrong with my baby. This is a post about real life motherhood, and me telling YOU that it is OKAY for it to not be okay.
It is okay for you to be so completely over hearing your baby scream that you cry at the dining room table while you drink your green smoothie. It is okay to put your baby in the swing and go up to your room and close the door so the sound is muffled for just a little while. It is okay for you to not like your baby sometimes, or to wish that for once you could just have a baby that isn’t the neediest child on the planet. It is o-frickin-kay that you just aren’t really loving life at the moment, and kinda wish you could move back in with your parents and make them do everything for you again.
And if you’re in the trenches of the newborn phase or have a colicky baby or a teething baby or just a crazy needy baby, I’m here with ya. I wish I could stop by unannounced with a coffee in hand and grab your baby, tell you to go take a bath with candles and music, and do your hair and makeup and put on clean clothes. I wish I could bring you lunch at noon, because Lord knows you haven’t eaten yet today. I wish I could hold your baby while you take a nap or even just go sit on your phone in your bed to just check out for a few minutes. I wish I could do all of those things and more, but, like you, I’m just a lonely momma on the other side of the internet with tears pouring down my face wishing I could make my baby happy. And what I can tell you is this:
You are a badass mom. You are strong and capable beyond anything you ever thought possible. Motherhood is not for the faint at heart. It is emotionally grueling and exhausting to face each day that a little life depends on your every breath, thought, movement, etc. These days ARE short, yes. And in 2-3 years from now, maybe less, maybe more, you may look back and miss it, but it is OKAY that you don’t love it now. It is okay to fall apart. You are strong. You were made to be this baby’s mother, and when the day comes that your baby doesn’t cry so much, or need you to entertain him night and day, you can say to yourself, “I made it!”.
Until then, cry as often as you need to. Find time to get away and be YOU. Call a friend. Ask for help. Take every little ounce of joy you can find and bottle it up to open on the hardest of days, but most importantly, don’t be too hard on yourself. You’re doing amazing.